Cupcakes Are Not a Diet Food by Brenda Kennedy

Author:Brenda Kennedy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: humor, food, dieting, desserts, bloopers, anthology of short stories, diet bloopers

Chapter Four: “‘Let’s Go On A Diet Together!’ She Said. ‘It’ll be Fun!’ She Said. ‘My Ass!’ I Said” by Martha Farmer

“Let’s Write a Diet Book Together,” They Said. “It’ll Be Fun,” They Said.

Oh dear God! I was approached by my author-sister, Brenda Kennedy, who said, “Let’s write a diet book together with Rosa and Carla.” Rosa and Carla are our other two sisters. Brenda wanted us to come together to write a book on dieting, dieting with a twist. “It’s going to be funny” she said. “It’ll be fun,” she said. Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve never known dieting to be fun or funny. I’ve also never known myself to be funny. What have I gotten myself into?!?!?! (Help me!!!!!! I can’t control my punctuation keys!!!!!! Fortunately, I can control the other keys, such as the shift key. I am not shiftless.)

Brenda is the funny sister with Rosa following close behind. I am not funny, usually. My humor somehow comes across as sarcastic, usually. Believe me when I say I’m laughing with you and not at you … usually.

Now, my dilemma is, how do I make dieting seem fun, or funny? Okay, I do have a few stories to tell that could embarrass some of the parties involved so I’ve decided to change dates, names, and places to protect the guilty!

Because I grew up in a large family with seven children who lived on a farm with fresh veggies all summer long and lots of acreage to wander, you wouldn’t think any of us would have a weight problem. Not true! We all have had to watch our weight at one time or another or always, some of us more than others.

I never thought I really had much of a weight problem until I became “with child.” Gaining 54 pounds during pregnancy was a rude wake-up call for me. People said that it took nine months to gain that weight and it will take nine months to lose it. Again, not true! It took me three years to lose it. Baby weight does not come off quickly or easily, if it comes off at all. Brenda’s youngest daughter is 29 and Brenda says she is still trying to lose the baby weight, 29 years later.

Once upon a time when I was living very comfortably, had relatively few problems, and was on the up side of the scale, an acquaintance came up to me in the grocery store and patted my stomach and asked, “You had the baby?” I said, “Yeah, 16 years ago.” How embarrassing, mainly for her!

My three sisters and I have three brothers and we spent part of our childhood on a farm in Rose Farm, Ohio. We lived on the top of a pretty high hill and walked that hill to and from school every day during the school year, so I don’t believe we had a weight problem back then. But as a lot of people know, time does change things. We tend to get sedentary in our lives and some of us enjoy food more than others.

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